observations and collective nouns

This weekend was largely spent working and marveling at the four or five violent storms that rolled through the region during Sunday (two tornadoes even touched down in Maryland, but neither were in my county). On Saturday I played hooky, though, so I could wile away some time in the modern art and folk art wings at the Smithsonian American Art Museum. While there, I saw this:

Electronic Superhighway, by Nam June Paik

Afterwards I sat outside the museum for a while, soaking in the beautiful day, and during this time a hockey game (the Washington Capitals versus the Philadelphia Flyers) ended over at the Verizon Center, and suddenly there was this rising tide of movement and chaos and noise as fans in their red jerseys spilled through the streets, screaming, banging their noisemaking sticks (what are those things called, anyway?), honking, and chanting “Let’s go Caps!” as they returned to their cars and the Metro. I felt like an anthropologist studying an exotic culture in a far-flung place. Because these? Are not my people. Being nonathletic and reclusive, I’m so hopelessly disconnected from the sporting world and the kind of enthusiasm and group camaraderie it ignites in its fans, it’s truly like watching Pygmy mating rituals.

...so I just sat and watched them roll by, photographing them stealthily like a creepy voyeur.

After staring at the passers-by for a while, I killed some time in H&M and West Elm, resisting the urge to pull imaginary money out of thin air so I could buy all this stuff I don’t need but totally want, and on the way there I noticed a Scottish flag inexplicably and delightfully dangling from some random office building.

My next stop was the Grand Hyatt, where Angela is staying while in town on business. Her digs there are quite fancy, and her suite contained a huge jacuzzi tub (with a flatscreen TV across from it!) that had me foaming at the mouth with envy.

Management delivered a complimentary tray of Mediterranean hors d’oeuvres, and, not having eaten since breakfast, I shamelessly shoveled hummus and sun-dried tomatoes into my maw like I was on the cusp of starvation. Dignity? What is this dignity of which you speak?

We headed over to Arlington to pick up our pal Eleazar, but there was a roadblock near the Pentagon that threw us off-course, and by the time we finally got to his place and pulled into the Lost Dog Café, it was already pushing 7pm. Since Angela had an early day on Sunday, things had to end early for us—right after dinner, really. So I returned Eleazar to his apartment and Angela to her hotel, and then began the loooong ride back to my condo in the sticks.

Anyway, to veer into completely different waters, recently I was thinking about one of the many peculiar aspects of the English language—collective nouns. Most people know about swarms of bees, schools of fish, murders of crows, decks of cards, hosts of angels, and quivers of arrows. But what about other animals and objects? What are their collective nouns? I researched the subject a bit and found interesting results. With animals in particular, it seems there are often numerous words used to describe a plural of a particular animal. For example, a group of crows is also called an alibi of crows, a storytelling of crows, and a hoover of crows. You can have a corps of giraffes, a herd of giraffes, or tower of giraffes. Some collective nouns are fairly dull, but others are delightfully eccentric. Who on earth created these nouns? Someone who was smoking crack, apparently. Here are the ones I love the most:

shrewdness of apes
blush of boys
wake of buzzards
flock of camels
postern of candidates
spoonful of caribou
cartload of chimpanzees
trades union of chinchillas
drunken ship of cobblers
quiver of cobras
rag of colts
cover of coots
congregation of crocodiles
piteousness of doves
aerie of eagles
mob of emus
business of ferrets
giggle of girls
implausibility of gnus
tribe of goats
charm of goldfinches
glint of goldfish
skein of goslings
leash of greyhounds
covey of grouse
morning of hammers
horde of hamsters
husk of hares
kettle of hawks
prickle of hedgehogs
siege of herons
crash of hippopotami
bloat of hippopotami
smack of jellyfish
neverthriving of jugglers
flight of locks (as in canal locks)
tidings of magpies
stud of mares
richness of martens
superfluity of nuns
parliament of owls
ostentation of peacocks
huddle of penguins
parcel of penguins
rookery of penguins
nest of pheasants
drove of pigs
wing of plovers
string of ponies
coterie of prairie dogs
bevy of quail
bury of rabbits
gaze of raccoons
mischief of rats
rhumba of rattlesnakes
storytelling of ravens
unkindness of ravens
crash of rhinoceri
disworship of Scots
harem of seals
shiver of sharks
hurtle of sheep
bed of snakes
scurry of squirrels
murmuration of starlings
faggot of sticks
muster of storks
knot of toads
blessing of unicorns
prudence of vicars
generation of vipers
descent of woodpeckers
zeal of zebras


song heard most recently before posting:
Breaking Up the Girl—Garbage