for DC area denizens

This is one of those cute email forwards that always makes me chuckle because it is so very, very true.

How to know you live in the DC area

• Speed limits are just suggestions.

• You say you’re from DC, but you actually live in VA or MD and are too embarrassed to admit it.
  

• You’ve never told someone you’re from Virginia without putting “northern” in front of it.

• It’s not actually tailgating unless your bumper is touching the car in front of you.

• A yellow light means at least 5 more cars can get through.

• A red light means 2 more can.

• Despite the fact that Virginia fought for the south in the Civil War, you are NOT, under ANY circumstances, a “southerner.”

• You are amazed when you go out of town and the people at McDonalds speak English.

• You can cross 4 lanes of traffic in under 30 seconds.

• There are at least 3 malls within 20 minutes of your house.

• There are at least 6 Starbucks within 20 minutes of your house.

• There’s an inch of snow and schools are closed for 3 days.

• A rich white kid driving a BMW while blasting rap music is a common occurrence.

• When you were driving on the Beltway at 2:13am on a Tuesday there was still traffic.

• Crown Victoria = undercover cop.

• A slow driver is someone who isn’t going at least 10mph over the speed limit.

• You understand the meaning of “If you don’t get it, you don’t get it.”

• They just tore down the old farmhouse across the street and put 12 new houses in its place.

• The word HFStival actually means something to you.

• Someone has honked at you because you didn’t peal out the second the light turned green.

• You’ve honked at someone because they didn’t peal out the second the light turned green.

• Rush hour lasts all day.

• For the cost of your house, you could own a small town in Iowa.

• Helicopters and airplanes flying above your neighborhood is a normal occurrence.

• 9:30 isn’t just a time, it’s a place.

• If you stay on the same road long enough, it will eventually have 3 new names.

• You have to dial the area code to call your next door neighbor.

• You know at least 3 alternate routes to avoid sitting at a stop light.

• You can’t pull up to a 7-11 without seeing at least one cop, and usually there’s another cop sitting not too far away.

• You refer to distances in minutes, not miles.

• When you put on your turn signal to change lanes, the people next to you speed up.

• You don’t consider exploding manhole covers to be an unusual occurrence.

• You know where the Pentagon really is but never bother to correct anyone about its location.

• There are at least 15 ways to get everywhere and you know which way to go based on the weather, time of day, current political climate, terrorism road closures, and whether you are coming or going.

• “Finding a parking space” is actually an appointment on your calendar. (e.g., 7:00-8:00 - gym; 8:30-9:00 - find a parking space; 9:00-10:30 - dinner reservations.)

• You’ve never once been to Wal-Mart and don’t even know where there is one.

• You elbow tourists out of the way on the Metro escalators to ‘gently’ remind them to WALK LEFT, STAND RIGHT.

• You actually block out time in your schedule for the escalator ride at Dupont Circle, Rosslyn, Wheaton, or Tenleytown.

• You don’t bat an eye at 500 politicians and businessmen in suits running like their lives depended on it just to catch a Metro that will be followed by another in 90 seconds.

• You know that Washington National Airport is and will always be “WASHINGTON NATIONAL,” not “Reagan National.”

• And you know it’s in Virginia and don’t waste time trying to explain that to out-of-towners.

• You meet someone else who says they’re from the DC area and you realize they live two hours away from you.

• You notice that there’s been construction on the same stretch of highway for the past 5 years and you never see anyone working on it.

• The few times you have gotten lost in DC you have somehow ALWAYS ended up in Anacostia and every road out somehow leads back to Anacostia.

• Snow means rain to you.

• There are at least 5 gas stations on each intersection.

• When you are driving at night and you see 5 police cars pulling someone over, you know it’s just for a routine stop.

• When you drive on a road you haven’t been on in a few weeks, you see a brand new shopping center being built and aren’t surprised.
  

• You can parallel park like it’s your job.

• You don’t pull out your wallet to pay when you enter a museum.

• You laugh every time you see the “Surrender Dorothy” continuously painted over and repainted on the bridge over the Beltway approaching the Mormon Temple.

• You realize you utter the phrase “damn tourists” entirely too often.

• You realize that you have to drive a long way to find some nice woods or a park that is safe and healthy.

• You know where and what the Secret Safeway is.

song heard most recently before posting: Habanera—Georges Bizet