gay marriage

So I decided to come out of hibernation for a while. My blog has suffered terribly in recent months, mostly because my energy has been directed at keeping my sanity afloat and trying not to fuck up any of my jobs. I had been doing okay with juggling multiple jobs for quite an extended period of time, then something happened at work to make me glance away and temporarily lose my focus. That’s all it took for the balls to smash down on me, and my juggling hasn’t been the same since then. Given the recession, this is NO time for me to fuck up at any of my jobs and risk getting axed. In light of that, I’ve been trying to winnow down my life to its bare minimum: work, sometimes going out with friends, TV, reading, Facebook. Everything else has slipped away, from maintaining my journal to fixing up my condo.

Anyway, recently I was thrilled to hear about gay marriage becoming legal in Iowa. I was flabbergasted (I mean, Iowa? Really?) but thrilled all the same. Only, what, 46 more states to go?

Periodically I go on these rampages against the anti-gay marriage movement. Hearing people whine that “gay marriage will destroy the sanctity of marriage” never ceases to fill me with white-hot rage. My response just seems so fucking obvious: straight people (and I am saying this as a straight person) destroy the sanctity of marriage all the time! What world are these people coming from? Clearly it’s not our world, where two-minute marriages, spousal abuse, divorce, and adultery abound. How the hell are those things honoring the sanctity of marriage?

No, not every straight marriage is a train wreck and an affront to the institution of marriage. I would never dare to generalize like that. Yet it’s okay for conservatives to generalize about gay marriages! They can’t make sweeping generalizations like that! Yes, if gay marriage were legal, I’m sure plenty of gay couples would “destroy the sanctity of marriage” by cheating on each other and whatnot. But this would happen no more or no less than among straight couples. Just as not all straight couples are the same, not all gay couples are the same.

Actually, let me scratch my previous statement. If gay marriage were legal, there would probably be fewer gay couples than straight couples destroying the sanctity of marriage. Why? Because gay couples are more likely to appreciate what they’ve got. There’s that old adage that nobody in America is more patriotic than its newly minted citizens from foreign countries. Nobody appreciates freedom more than those who don’t, or didn’t, have it. Straight people have always had the ability to marry, so it’s easy to think of it as being no big deal. But gay couples, after centuries of being denied the right to marry, think it’s a very big deal. And if they’re given the chance to marry, my money’s on the bulk of them treating marriage like a precious and sacred institution. They won’t take it for granted. They know what it’s like to not have it and they know how lucky they are to have it, so they’re going to behave accordingly and treat it with the respect it deserves.

Besides, doesn’t the Bible say “Judge not lest ye be judged”? A secular variation is “People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.” I think of Ted Haggard, expounding ceaselessly on the sin of homosexuality and how it will bring ruin to the institution of marriage, and all the while he was cheating on his wife with a male prostitute. Nobody is perfect. No marriage is perfect. So, I’m sorry, but unless your marriage is a paragon of virtue, and you faithfully honor every single wedding vow you made and never, ever hurt or betray your spouse or treat him/her thoughtlessly, you have no right to bitch about how gays will ruin the institution of marriage. Unless you’re absolutely, divinely perfect, you have no right to judge the perceived imperfections in others.

I think many of the people who hide behind the “gay people shouldn’t marry because it’s an affront to the sanctity of marriage” are really homophobes who would rather hide behind cowardly rhetoric and Biblical passages than admit the truth: they don’t like gays. They’d rather yell their tired old war cry of “God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve!” than admit, “You know what? I just don’t like gays or lesbians. They make me nervous.” Everybody’s entitled to their beliefs. Go ahead—I’m not going to try to stop you. But at least have the decency to be honest about it. And, for chrissake, don’t try to shove your personal beliefs onto the legal system.

That’s another thing that really pisses me off about the anti-gay marriage movement. People equate their personal beliefs with legality. “I don’t like or trust gays, and therefore they shouldn’t be allowed to marry or adopt kids.” What the hell do your personal beliefs have to do with anything? Hey, guess what, I’m not crazy about ignorant, hateful racists, but I’m not going to try to deny them the right to marry, even though marrying will undoubtedly bring breeding, thus creating a new generation of ignorant, hateful racists. You won’t see me marching on Washington any time soon to protest KKK members being allowed to marry. If gays marry, how is it any skin off your back? Will your tax dollars be responsible for their weddings or supporting them in their married lives? No. Will you be forced to attend their weddings? No. Will they parade through your house every night, wagging their wedding bands in your face? No. So why does it matter to you whether they’re married or not?

Interracial marriage was once illegal, too, as was interreligious marriage. Denying gays the right to marry seems as outdated and ass-backwards as denying a Catholic the right to marry a Jew. Laws are supposed to evolve as society progresses...right?


song heard most recently before posting:
Mlada—Karelian Folk Music Ensemble