Your SENIOR year of high school
1. Who was your best friend?
Heather
2.What sports did you play?
I had gold medals in melancholia and self-absorption.
3. What kind of car did you drive?
My mom’s car, when she let me use it (a 1991 Honda Civic).
4. It’s Friday night, where were you?
Hanging out with my friends, either A) cruising The Loop; B) sitting around my house, reading tabloids, and watching low-budget horror movies; or C) sitting around Missy’s parents’ house, reading tabloids, and watching low-budget horror movies.
5. Were you a party animal?
Did you not read my answer to #4?? Does it sound like I was a party animal?
6. Were you considered a flirt?
Hell no. I tried to be invisible around boys! (Except one particular crush, and even then I was too shy to flirt openly with him.)
7. Were you in band, orchestra, or chorus?
Not band or orchestra, but I was part of the chorus (ie, a background playa) in the school musical.
8. Were you a nerd?
Sho’ ‘nuff.
9. Did you get suspended/expelled?
Not my senior year! (I got suspended junior year, though.)
10. Can you sing the fight song?
Did we even have a fight song? Our mascot was a fucking cedar tree—not exactly a warrior!
11. Who was your favorite teacher?
During senior year…hmmm…probably Mme. Clements, my French IV teacher. I always thought she was pretty cool. And the guy who taught AP History (god, what was his name? Mr. Snavely?) was cool, too, because he had a wonderfully dry sense of humor. Oh, and even though he was tough as nails, I liked my Honors English teacher, Mr. Linn, because he was the only teacher who really attempted to prepare us for the academic rigors of college.
12.What was your school’s full name?
Lebanon High School
13. School mascot?
A cedar tree. Yes, a cedar tree!
14. Did you go to prom?
Yeah.
15. If you could go back and do it over, would you?
I don’t have a desire to go back and relive my senior year, thank you very much, although there were some fun moments.
16. What do you remember most about graduation?
How stupid it was that we were seated according to our height, instead of being put in alphabetical order. Also, I was thinking ahead to my 18th birthday (it came two days later) and Senior Week (which started one day later).
17. Where were you on senior skip day?
We didn’t have one. Although…I guess Missy, Gates, and I kind of had our own Senior Skip Day when we skipped school in order to attend this C.A.U.S.E. environmental fair thingy in downtown Lancaster.
18. Did you have a job your senior year?
Nope, thank god!
19. Where did you go most often for lunch?
The cafeteria. We weren’t allowed off-campus; I think they may’ve even locked the doors to keep us inside!
20. Have you gained weight since then?
I actually lost a bit weight, and stayed at that lower weight for a few years, but now I’d say I’m a good 15-20 pounds heavier than I was when I graduated.
21. What did you do after graduation?
My family had a small party to celebrate my graduation and birthday. Some friends stopped by, but most of our bigger, more official parties had taken place in earlier weeks. Afterward I went to bed, because I had to get up early the next day to leave for Senior Week.
22. When did you graduate?
June 2, 1992. I only remember the date because it was my friend Jenn’s birthday.
23. Who was your Senior prom date?
My friend Terry.
24. Are you going to your 10 year reunion?
I did go to my 10-year reunion and it sucked. Will there be a 15-year reunion this year? I don’t know. If there is, I don’t know if I’ll bother going.
25. Who was your home room teacher?
Oh god…I have no idea. Frau Toews, maybe? She was my homeroom teacher one year, and I think it may’ve been 12th grade.
Seasonal Survey
JANUARY-
1. Who kissed you on New Year’s?
My cat Plath.
2. Did you have a New Year’s resolution this year?
Nope. I gave them up a few years ago.
3. Does it snow where you live?
Yeah, but not a lot. I’d prefer more.
4. Do you like hot chocolate?
I love it. It’s my favorite hot drink.
5. Have you ever been to Times Square to watch the ball drop?
No, unfortunately. I’ve always wanted to do that. Spending two New Year’s Eves in London and ringing in the millennium at a huge downtown bash in DC whetted my appetite for Times Square.
FEBRUARY-
1. Who was your Valentine?
Myself. NEXT!
2. When you were little, did you buy Valentine’s for the whole class?
Oh yeah. Well...actually, I can’t remember if I gave them to everybody or just the kids I liked.
3. Do you care if the groundhog sees its shadow or not?
The whole thing is ridiculous. There are, like, stadium lights and spotlights and flashbulbs raining down on the groundhog from all directions; of course he’s going to see his shadow!
MARCH-
1. Are you Irish?
Partially; my dad’s maternal line came from the little village of Butlersbridge in County Cavan.
2. Do you wear green on St. Patty’s Day?
3. What did you do for St. Patty’s Day in 2007?
Nothing but the usual: work, work, work.
4. Are you happy when winter is pretty much over?
I love winter, but by March I’m usually ready for spring. Not the hot weather, though.
APRIL-
1. Do you like the rain?
Yes. But not flooding!
2. Did you play an April fool’s joke on anyone this year?
I hate April Fool’s jokes. I know: killjoy.
3. Do you get tons of candy on Easter?
Not anymore—I did when I was a kid. But I still treat myself to loads of Marshmallow Peeps and Cadbury Mini-Eggs each year.
4. Do you celebrate 4/20?
What the hell’s 4/20? Besides the Vernal Equinox (on some years)?
5. Do you love the month of April?
It’s okay. There’s nothing big to look forward to, but the schizophrenic spring weather is usually calming down by this point, so that’s nice.
MAY-
1. What is your favorite flower?
Heather.
2. Do you like the spring?
I do, actually. It’s not my favorite season (I prefer fall), but it can be so lovely and wild, I can’t help but be impressed.
3. Finish the phrase “April showers”:
“…usually flood my apartment.”
4. Do you celebrate May 16th: National Piercing Day?
If I had any unusual piercings I might!
5. Is there anything special about May to you?
Plath and Angela’s birthdays!
JUNE-
1. What year did/will you graduate from high school?
1992. Ugh.
2. Do you usually do anything fun during this month?
Celebrate my birthday! And Olivia’s birthday, too.
3. Have a favorite baseball team?
Nope—I can’t stand the sport.
JULY-
1. What do you do on the Fourth of July?
Usually nothing. When I was a kid my family always had a small cookout and watched fireworks, though.
2. Do you go on any vacations during this month?
Usually not. It’s too hot and everything (airfares, gas, hotels) is overpriced because it’s peak tourist season everywhere I want to go.
3. Do you blast the A/C all day?
I would if I could, but my upstairs neighbors control the a/c and therefore call all the shots.
AUGUST-
1. Do you do anything special at the end of your summer?
Just praise Jesus that the end of the heat is in sight.
2. What was your favorite summer memory of ’06?
The night a bunch of us drove to Birdsboro, PA, to see Charlie star in a local production of Aida. It had been ages since I laughed that hard.
3. Did you have a sunburn?
I got burned when I spent a day at the beach. Even with SPF50 sunblock and a beach umbrella, I still got burned. Welcome to my skin’s world.
4. Did you go to the pool a lot?
If I had access to a pool I would. I try to avoid the sun as much as possible, but damn do I love being in the water.
SEPTEMBER-
1. Will you be attending college/school?
No. At some point, when my schedule settles down, I’d like to take a class for fun.
2. Who was your favorite teacher?
In high school…probably Mme. Clements, who I had for French all four years, because she was kind of zany. She always kept things interesting by having us do activities like write a letter to our future selves in French each year and have little parties where we sang French Christmas carols and whatnot. In college it was Shelley Nameroff, who taught my On the Road class. She was such a fabulous hippie.
3. Do you like Fall better than Summer?
Hell to the yeah!
OCTOBER-
1. What was your last Halloween costume?
A Soviet prostitute.
2. What is your favorite candy?
It’s a multi-tie between Andes mints, Reese’s peanut butter cups, spice drops, and Yorkie bars.
3. Whose birthday is during this month?
Foster (on the 3rd), my cousin Kelly (on the 11th), and my grandfather (on the 17th).
4. What’s was your favorite thing about this month?
The growing coldness, the leaves, the anticipation of upcoming holidays.
NOVEMBER-
1. Whose house do you go to for Thanksgiving?
My mom’s, usually.
2. Did you know GoofyAuctions.com was started this month in 2005?
Uh…no?
3. What are you thankful for?
The fact that I’ve escaped trauma and that I’ve only lost one loved one to death.
4. Do you love stuffing?
Stuffing’s okay, but nothing beats PA Dutch potato filling. That’s what we have on Thanksgiving and Christmas and I dream about it all year long.
5. Whose birthday is during this month?
Jorge (the 24th) and Richard (the 29th).
DECEMBER-
1. Do you celebrate Christmas?
Yeah, even though I’m totally areligious. I love the secular side of the holiday, even if it is totally over-commercialized. (I mean, c’mon, Christmas products arriving in the stores not long after Labor Day? Please.)
2. What is December 1st, 2007?
World AIDS Day. Violet Affleck’s birthday. And…?
3. Have you ever been kissed under the mistletoe?
Ptthh. No.
4. Get anything special last year?
My sister knitted me a scarf, which was really cool. And I got pretty much everything that was on my list.
5. What do you want this year?
Miscellaneous crap I don’t need. If I have a house by that point, I’ll surely want household stuff.
6. Do you like cold weather?
Yup!
Seven Deadly Sins
WRATH
1. Who did you last get angry with?
The depraved little shits who maimed and murdered my dad’s neighbor’s Emu.
2. What is your weapon of choice?
Knives. Who doesn’t like to cut a bitch every once in a while?
3. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex?
I’m not a hitter, but if I were, sure, I’d hit a dude.
4. How about of the same sex?
Same as #3, only with chicks.
5. Who was the last person who got really angry at you?
Mmm…honestly, I don’t know. If someone has been angry with me, s/he must’ve kept it well hidden because nothing was said to me.
6. What is your pet peeve?
I’ve got too many to count. For example, tailgaiters, people who don’t use their turn signals, rubberneckers, people who pull their food out of the microwave before it’s finished and then they don’t hit the “clear” button. People who borrow stuff and then only return it when you ask for it. The obscene loudness of my upstairs neighbors’ voices, footsteps, and snores. The fact that they don’t remove junk mail or wrongly rerouted mail from our shared mailbox when they get to it first. They always pull out their mail and leave the other shit behind for me. They know that my old landlord is dead, and therefore he obviously doesn’t need the mail that occasionally comes for him, so why do they leave it in the mailbox for me? Why don’t they just throw it out? Ditto for the mail that we get for tenants who haven’t lived at that address in years. Why do they leave it for me?? What do they think I’m going to do with it??
7. Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily?
I used to be out of control with the grudges, but I’m much better now. You really need to screw me over to earn a grudge.
SLOTH
1. What is one thing you’re supposed to do daily that you haven’t?
Wear underwear.
2. What is the latest you’ve ever woken up?
Probably around 1pm.
3. Name a person you’ve been meaning to contact, but haven’t.
A mortgage lender.
4. What is the last lame excuse you made?
I was invited to an outdoor screening of a Hitchcock film at Strathmore last week and was like, “I can’t—the America’s Got Talent semi-final is on.”
5. Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through?
Maybe in high school as a laugh; I can’t remember.
6. When was the last time you got a good workout?
Once upon a time in a land called Never! Actually, via walking, I got in a hell of a workout during my four days in London last fall. I walked until every muscle screamed for mercy.
7. How many times did you snooze your alarm clock today?
I don’t use the snooze button. Waking up sucks whether you do it now or three minutes from now, so why not just get the misery over and done with?
GLUTTONY
1. What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice?
None. I usually just stick with tap water and generic instant coffee!
2. Meat eaters: white meat or dark meat?
I’m a vegetarian. Back in my carnivorous days, though, I stuck to white meat.
3. What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one night?
A single bottle of beer. I’m essentially a teetotaler!
4. Have you ever used a professional diet company?
No, but if I really had a desire to lose weight I’d probably try Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig, because my willpower on its own…well, it ain’t so great.
5. Do you have an issue with your weight?
I’d love to lose 20 lbs and get toned, but I just don’t have the energy to do it. It doesn’t bother me that badly.
6. Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy foods?
Salty.
7. Have you ever looked at a small house pet and thought “lunch”?
God! That’s revolting.
LUST
1. How many people have you seen naked:
*bats eyelashes coquettishly*
2. How many people have seen YOU naked:
*bats eyelashes coquettishly even harder*
3. Have you ever caught yourself staring at someone’s chest/crotch?
I don’t think so. Face, yes, but crotch/chest? I doubt it.
4. Have you “done it”?
Have I done what exactly? Hmmm?
5. What is your favorite body part on a person of your gender?
Eyes, maybe? Or hair?
6. Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute?
Haha! No, I think they’ve got better sense than that.
7. Have you ever had to get tested for an STD or pregnancy?
Thank god, no.
GREED
1. How many credit cards do you own?
A bunch. But I’ve been working at paying them off and only two of them have balances at this point.
2. What’s your guilty pleasure store?
Target. It’s so…common, you know? But lord am I good at dropping the ducats in there.
3. If you had $10 million, what would you do with it?
Travel, travel, travel, travel, travel. And buy a few cozy houses in areas that I love.
4. Would you rather be rich or famous?
Rich. Celebrities have a lot of advantages (swag, special treatment, etc.), but other than that, nothing about being a celebrity would interest me. I’d hate to have my picture slathered everywhere, with everyone constantly analyzing and criticizing my face, body, and clothing. I’d hate to be followed by paparazzi all the time.
5. Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks?
Boring, yes. Stressful, no. Conflict of interest (like the NRA), no.
6. Have you ever stolen anything?
Hells yeah! But not in years.
7. How many MP3s are on your hard drive?
Right now: 2,146.
PRIDE
1. What’s one thing you have done that you’re most proud of?
Probably graduating from college on time, cum laude, without ever 1) changing my major, 2) transferring schools, 3) getting any final grades lower than a B-, or 4) committing suicide. I wasn’t totally convinced I could pull it off.
2. What’s one thing have you done that your parents are most proud of?
I don’t know…they’re strangely proud of mundane things, like the fact that after seven months in London I knew how to ride the tube on my own, and the fact that I know my way around the DC area AFTER LIVING HERE FOR ALMOST 10 YEARS. Clearly they think I’m mentally disabled.
3. What things would you like to accomplish in your life?
Buy a house, travel to all the places I really want to see.
4. Do you get annoyed by coming in second place?
No, I’m not competitive.
5. Have you ever entered a contest knowing you would win?
Hmm…I don’t think so. I’m never confident that I’m going to win anything.
6. Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score?
Sha!
7. What did you do today that you’re proud of?
I can’t say—it’s a little too weird.
ENVY
1. What item does your friend have that you want?
I’m jealous of my friends who own homes!
2. Who would you want to go on “Trading Spaces” with?
I think I’d trust any of my closest friends to go on there with me. And one or two coworkers, too.
3. If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be?
A Brit! I’ve been such an Anglophile lately!
4. Have you ever been cheated on?
I hope not!
5. Have you ever wished you had a different physical feature?
Yeah, I’ve wished that I could lose the craniosynostosis-induced dents and asymmetry.
6. What trait in others do you wish you had for yourself?
Ambition.
7. Do you wish you’d come up with this survey?
Not particularly.
Questions People Wouldn’t Ask (Uh...why not? —JB)
1. When’s the last time you ran?
Probably at JFK Airport last year, when I was desperately trying to catch a connecting flight. I ran and ran and ran…and didn’t make it in time. Maybe because I’m hopelessly, shamefully out of shape? Just a thought.
2. Do your jeans have rips, tears, and holes in them?
Naw. They’re in great condition, even though some of them are secondhand.
3. What are you reading right now?
The World without Us, The Essential Rumi, and Shazza Osbourne’s memoir. I’m about to start the final Harry Potter book, too.
4. Is your lipgloss poppin’?
What?
5. When is the last time you saw the person you like/liked?
I don’t like anyone. My heart is a stone.
6. What’s your best physical feature?
My eye color.
7. Can you dance?
I look spastic when I dance. I literally look like I’m having a seizure.
8. Do you get the full 8 hours of sleep a night?
Not on weeknights, but on weekends I get a good 10-12 hours each night.
9. Think of all your exes. Would you take any of them back?
It doesn’t matter because I like being single, thank you very much!
10. If anyone came to your house on your “lazy days” what would you be doing?
Lazy days don’t exist anymore! I work constantly. But, okay, occasionally there is a day when I don’t have to work or I only have to work for a short period of time, and on those days the rest of my time is spent vegging on the couch, watching TV or a Netflix DVD, and reading.
11. Who last grabbed your butt?
Oh god, I have no idea. Has anyone ever grabbed my butt? I don’t know why they’d want to.
12. Have you ever been on your school’s track team?
Hell no! I got a doctor’s note to get out of running the mile in gym class, for chrissake!!!
13. Do you own a pair of Converse?
I’ve faithfully worn Converse (but not only Converse, because they’ve got no arch support whatsoever and thus they’re lousy for excessive walking) since 1992.
14. Who did you copy and paste this survey from?
Shawn Seabold.
15. Do you eat raw cookie dough?
No, it doesn’t appeal to me at all.
16. Have you ever kicked a vending machine?
Probably at one point or another.
17. Don’t you hate when the radio ruins good songs by playing a bad one?
Well, I rarely listen to the radio, so it’s hard for me to say. My time in the car is usually spent listening to CDs or my iPod.
18. Do you watch Trading Spaces?
No. I watched Changing Rooms for a bit back in the day, but then lost interest.
19. Are you cocky?
Nope.
20. Could you live without a computer?
Probably not, sadly enough!
21. What age were you when you found out that Santa wasn’t real?
Hmm…I don’t know…maybe around age 10? I was a late bloomer.
22. Are you in high school?
I’ve been out for 15 years!
23. Is anyone on your bad side now?
Yeah, a bit.
24. What jewelry are you wearing?
A necklace I made out of old 1980s earrings.
25. What’s the first thing you do when you get online?
Check my email.
26. Do you watch Grey’s Anatomy?
Yup. I’ve thought Patrick Dempsey was hot ever since I saw him in Can’t Buy Me Love when I was in junior high!
27. How do most people spell your name?
It’s rare for them to fuck up Jennifer, but Boyer often gets misspelled as Blair, Bowyer, and Bauer.
28. Would you wear your boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s clothes?
I don’t have one, so the point is moot.
29. What are you doing tomorrow?
Meeting Debbie for dinner at a vegetarian Indian restaurant in Langley Park.
30. Is Justin Timberlake becoming the next Michael Jackson?
Eh, I don’t know. I can’t stand Justin Timberlake’s music and never heard more than like three notes of his songs, so I can’t judge whether he’s like Michael Jackson or not. Or whether that’s a good thing.
31. Will you keep your last name when you get married?
Definitely!
32. When is the last time you left your house?
Today.
33. Do you return your cart?
Always. It’s rude not to do so!
34. Do you have a dishwasher?
Yes—it’s called my hands.
35. What noise do you hear?
Tapping keys, printers, the dehumidifiers that are attempting to keep my department from turning into a jungle.
36. Would you survive in prison?
I doubt it. I’d lay low and try to be invisible, but that usually backfires on me and makes the freaks come fast and furious, so I doubt prison would be any different.
37. If all of your friends were going on a road trip, would you?
Yeah. I love road trips!
38. Do you know anyone with the same name as you?
There are a million Jennifer Boyers and Jennifer Lynn(e) Boyers out there. Even my hometown had another Jennifer Lynn(e) Boyer when I was living there. But I’ve never actually met one in person.
39. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
Oh jeez, I don’t know. 20-30, maybe?
40. What’s the last thing you ate?
My lunch: carrot-ginger soup, a cinnamon-raisin English muffin with cinnamon-raisin peanut butter on it, and a container of blueberry yogurt.
41. What’s your middle name?
Lynne. *yawns*
42. Is your phone on vibrate or ring?
It’s on nothing—I keep it perpetually turned off because I can’t stand cell phones.
43. What brand are your pants right now?
Something called Freestyle. (Hot!) They were cast-offs from my sister.
44. Ever been to Georgia?
I went there for the first time last year to visit Annida.
45. What irritates you most on MySpace?
When people clutter up their pages with a ridiculous amount of video clips, music clips, pictures, etc. It can take forever to scroll through some people’s pages because there’s so much shit on there. Just create a damn website already! Don’t try to cram an entire website’s worth of junk onto one small MySpace page!
46. Do you watch movies with your parents?
If I’m staying with my mom for a weekend, occasionally we’ll watch a flick together.
47. What’s your favorite color?
plum
48. Favorite song?
Right now it’s GMT and Hinda Hicks’s Who Would You Have Me Love.
49. What color is your car?
silver
50. What song best describes your life right now?
Are You There?
51. Where do you work?
A non-profit that shall remain unidentified.
52. Are you taking college classes right now?
No, but I’d like to take a pottery class, Russian class, or metalworking class just for fun.
53. What do you drink most of the time?
water
54. Do you like sushi?
God, yes. I miss fish sushi, though. Vegetarian sushi’s not as good, but I still love it.
55. Do you get your hair cut every month?
No, I’m so bad with getting trims. Hence the split ends. Part of the problem is that I haven’t found a stylist down here who I like, so I still go to my stylist in Lebanon, and that means schlepping 2½ hours to see her.
56. Do you go online every day?
During the week, yes; during weekends, sometimes.
57. Do you enjoy your personality?
Sure, I think it’s okay. It has its pros and cons.
58. Do you know anyone that has changed your life?
A few people have changed my life in small ways.
song heard most recently before posting:
Girlfriend in a Coma—Joshua Radin
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