questions, answers, dying

According to the Death Clock, my personal day of death is Monday, June 4, 2035.

Aw, hell, I’m going to die on my 61st birthday?? That sucks. I have better ways to spend my birthday than dying. And 61 is too young to die. My mom is 61 now! Although…who am I kidding? It’s not like the world is still going to be around in 28 years!

Meanwhile, Shawn passed on this questionnaire to me:

1. When you’re home alone, do you still close the door when you go potty?
Now why would I do that?

2. If you have to go grocery shopping, would you rather go alone or with someone?
Alone. Shopping with friends is always fun, but grocery shopping is a practical errand for me—something I just want to get over and done with quickly. Being with someone else just slows me down.

3. It’s your best friend’s birthday; do you buy them a gift even though they didn’t buy you one for yours?
Ehhh…it’s iffy. It depends on my money situation. If I’ve got money to burn, then I’ll feel more generous and I’ll be more likely to buy that person a present. If money’s even slightly tight, I’ll probably skip the present and say to myself, “Screw it. S/he hasn’t bought me a present for years; why should I go to the trouble of doing what s/he can’t be bothered to do?”

4. You win the lottery. Lump sum or small payments over a period of time?
Small payments. They promote moderation. I think a lump sum, unless invested very wisely, is just asking for trouble.

5. Do you like your music loud or at a reasonable level?
A reasonable level most of the time.

6. Are you a beach person or a snowy mountain person?
A little of both, I guess. I love frolicking in the ocean but I also love wandering through the woods. Not necessarily in the snow, though!

7. When do you brush your teeth?
Morning (after breakfast) and night (after I’ve had my nighttime snack).

8. Can you watch scary movies alone?
Absolutely.

9. Soft bed or firm?
Somewhere in between.

10. Would you rather stay home all day, or be out and about with some friends?
Stay home, because I’m a hermit and a sloth. Ideally I’d stay home with friends.

11. What’s one of your worst memories?
Finding Shoah strangled to death on a fence. It’s not one of the worst—it’s the worst.

12. Do you like to keep the peace or be confrontational?
Keep the peace—even Amish people are more confrontational than my wussy ass.

13. Are you more likely to be with a large group of people or a few close friends?
A few close friends.

15. If money were not a problem, where would you like to live?
London, London, London. Also, I would buy my old house in Lebanon and purchase houses in…mmmm…let’s say Seattle and a remote beach in Scotland. And I’d keep a local residence, too—probably in Georgetown, Old Town Alexandria, Capitol Hill, Takoma Park, or Bethesda.

16. What is your ideal profession?
Working as an editor for The Sun, heat magazine, or News of the World, or writing “news” articles for the World Weekly News. Editing/writing trash, basically. Isn’t that terrible? I should say that my ideal profession is saving the world or making a difference in people’s lives, but whatever.

17. Are you close to your Mom and Dad?
Fairly, yeah.

18. What is one fear that you can’t seem to overcome?
Letting myself completely lose control.

19. Are you good at math?
I swear I’ve got dyscalculia. No one can be this bad at math without having a learning disability.

20. Do you kiss on a first date?
I never really get the chance. *cough*man repellant*cough*

21. Is there anyone that you regret ever meeting?
Surprisingly, no. Not even the douchebags.

22. Rate your life on a scale from 1 to 10:
8. I’m lucky in so many ways, but it’s not like I wouldn’t change some things if given the chance.

23. Do you like any of your friends a little more than just as friends?
Nope. (And right now they’re sighing with relief and wiping the sweat from their brows.)

24. Do you like to drive?
Well, I did until I moved to the DC area. Now it’s just the bane of my gridlocked existence.

25. If you found out that you were going to be a parent, what would you do?
Cry and vomit. And not out of happiness.

26. Do you give money to homeless people when they ask?
Rarely, because I rarely carry cash or change with me. In Edinburgh, though, I had a ton of money left over the day before I was set to leave, so I made an effort to give money to homeless people I saw with dogs.

27. A weekend in Las Vegas or Miami?
Vega$, baby! It’s the nutcase capital of the world and I want to see how many nutcases I can attract in 48 hours. Given my track record, I’m guessing it will be in the three-digit range.

28. When you go to the store, do you have a list or just buy random things?
I almost always have a list, and I almost always end up buying 300 things that aren’t on that list.

29. What do you wear to sleep in?
A big t-shirt or nightshirt.

30. You have 3 months left to live. What do you do?
Somehow find the money to travel until I literally drop. I’d also get my estate (heh!) in order, make sure my mom understands the terms of my will, give away my possessions, and finally tell certain people exactly how I feel (or felt) about them.

31. You’re having a bad day. What thing(s) can make your day better?
Seeing something startling and beautiful. Receiving a funny email from a friend. Having the chance to veg unconditionally on the sofa (with no work looming before me). Having one of my cats plop on my lap and/or knead my dough. Seeing my cats cuddle with one another.

32. Tanning bed?
What, have I ever tried one? No. And I never will. I don’t want to look old before my time. I also happen to think that pale skin can be beautiful.

33. Is there anything you would change about your body if you could?
Lots.

34. You wake up in an unfamiliar place, what is your first reaction?
There might be, like, a split second of confusion, but other than that, I come to my senses pretty quickly and realize where I’m at.

35. Is there anything that you should be doing right now?
I should totally be working.

36. If there was a way to know when and how you're going to die, would you want that information?
Oh god, that’s a hard one. Part of me would want to know so I could prepare myself, but the other part of me wouldn’t want that sword hanging over my head.

37. What is your favorite breakfast food?
Probably eggs Benedict (sans bacon, of course) or pancakes with baked apples. I rarely get to eat that stuff, though, because I rarely go out for breakfast! In lieu of them, regular cold cereal is my favorite.

38. Your phone rings at 4am, who do you expect it to be?
A harbinger of bad news. And I probably wouldn’t answer the phone for that reason.


song heard most recently before posting:
Leningrad—Billy Joel